30:36 – They say you can’t get blood from a turnip, but how about water from a rock? Dave lets you in on how it might have been done. Also, correlation may not imply causation, but it can be a pretty good indicator that of two correlated events, one may be causing the other. What is sometimes less clear, however, is which is the cause and which is the effect. “Go Israelites, beat Amalekites!” Finally, take your father-in-law’s advice and learn to delegate before you work yourself to death.
Show art: Moses Draws Water from the Rock (1642) by Francois Perrier (1590-1650), Public Domain.
30:17 – With their Egyptian pursuers all washed up, the Israelites celebrate on the shoreline. Sister Miriam is the hit of the party, and shows promise as a pop singer. In the days that follow, however, they must face the harsh reality that drinkable water, edible food, and usable routes are not easy to find. Fortunately they have friends in high places who can airdrop K-Rations, engineer massive gamebird kills, and show them how to purify water. When it comes to navigation, however, Moses and Aaron are on their own, and it takes them forty years to figure it out.
Show art: The Songs of Joy (1896-1902) by James Tissot (1836-1902), Public Domain.
30:02 – What did Moses forget that caused him to have to take the long way around to the Promised Land? Did the Exodus take place in Egypt’s Middle Kingdom, 2nd Intermediate Period, or New Kingdom? Which Land o’ Goshen city did the Israelites depart from, Rameses or Avaris? What “revelation” did Mark Twain have when he viewed the erupting Kilauea volcano in Hawaii? To what body of water does the Hebrew name “Yam Suph” refer? How would Mr. Wizard explain the parting of the Red Sea? Who issued Cecil B. DeMille’s Artistic License? Dave in Kentucky answers all these questions, and more.
Show art: Map of the Sinai Peninsula (1888) by the American Bible Society, Public Domain.
29:56 – The death squads of the gods fan out across Egypt, finally convincing Pharaoh to release the Israelite slaves, who have stocked up on borrowed goods that they have no intention of returning. (Is that any way to treat thy neighbors?) The ensuing blood bath is enough to make Dave in Kentucky consider pollo-pescatarianism. How many children of Israel set out on the Exodus? Did they leave from the city of Rameses, or from Avaris? And what’s so special about unleavened bread?
Show art: The Death of Pharaoh’s Firstborn Son (1872) by Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema (1836-1912), Public Domain.
30:31 – When their “Domino Theory” of ecological disasters fails to produce the desired results, the Yahweh Elohim resort to chemical weapons and weaponized weather modification, fittingly resulting in plagues on a Biblical scale, but Pharaoh still refuses to free the slaves. Just who was this stubborn Egyptian king? By piecing together the historical, Biblical and scientific records, Dave thinks he has found the answer.
Show art: The Plague of Boils and Blains (1896-1902) by James Tissot (1836-1902), Public Domain.
30:00 – A series of ecological disasters ostensibly designed to convince Pharaoh to release the Israelite slaves into Yahwelian custody only serves to strengthen Pharaoh’s resolve to keep them under Egyptian rule. But of course Jehovah El-Sadday knew all along that this would happen, so he has kept a few surprises in reserve. Also: Was Moses’ reluctance to engage in public speaking due to a speech impediment?
Show art: Moses and Aaron Speak to the People (1896-1902) by James Tissot (1836-1902), Public Domain.
29:59 – The hologram in the “burning bush” gives Moses a mission, should he choose to accept it: to go to Pharaoh and demand the release of the Hebrew slaves so they can serve the Yahwelians instead. Moses is provided with the gadgetry and passwords necessary to complete the assignment, and is teamed up with his slick-talking brother Aaron, who serves as his mouthpiece. Once the hologram self-destructs, Moses applies for and is granted leave by his employer and father-in-law, His Excellency the Priest of Midian. Moses packs up the family, loads them on the family ass and heads back to Egypt, but along the way a near-fatal encounter with a Yahwelian results in spousal conflict and genital mutilation. Then when Moses and Aaron present their demands at Pharaoh’s court, Pharaoh not only refuses to release the Hebrew slaves, he increases their workload out of spite. Oy vey!
Show Art: a still from Cecil B. DeMille’s 1923 version of The Ten Commandments, from a scene filmed in the Guadalupe Dunes of Santa Barbara County, Public Domain.
29:56 – A new book of the Bible, a new theme song, but the same old host. Dave in Kentucky begins his exposition of Exodus. Topics include Egyptian Replacement Theory, Habitat for Midwives, Hebrew Lives Matter, Egyptian Lives Don’t Matter, Hebrew-on-Hebrew Crime, the degradation of holographically reconstructed patterns, and the effect of time dilation on the lifespans of the gods. Plus, in a look back at Genesis: How Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt.
Show art: Pharaoh’s Daughter Finds Baby Moses (1886) by Edwin Long (1829-1891), Public Domain.
30:16 – If you think the Garden of Eden story in Genesis 2 through 4 is just a fairy tale, think again. And listen again, because Dave in Kentucky got it wrong the first time around, and corrects the record with this episode, revealing the location of the garden, the real reason man was created, and perhaps most surprising of all, the identity of the serpent. (It ain’t the devil.)
Show art: The Rebuke of Adam and Eve (1626) by Domenico Zampieri (aka “Domenichino”), Public Domain.
30:28 – How did the lack of vowels in ancient Hebrew writing lead to mistranslations and mispronunciations? Were the Hebrew patriarchs morally upright, or were they just a bunch of hooligans? Was their morality (or lack of same) determined by their environment, or was it in their DNA? How might German translators have contributed to the mispronunciation of Biblical names? These and other questions are asked and answered as we peruse the final chapters of Genesis, covering the last days of Jacob and Joseph.
Show art: Jacob’s Body is Taken to Canaan (1896-1902) by James Tissot (1836-1902), Public Domain.
